Sam is the king of my world.
He is the most consistent being in my life and no matter what i do, no matter how i feel that i fail him sometimes, no matter what is going on in my life, Sam believes in me whole heartedly.
In a blog that I follow, Cheeky Monkey writes about about how "we approach every experience hopelessly lost in the fog of our own perspective", that the meanings of words get lost in our past experiences and that once "you sail your words out into the world; suddenly, they are no longer yours to steer." Subsequently, saying what you mean doesn't necessarily communicate what you mean. I speak to Sam sometimes with made up words, strung together silly sounds and he always gets what i'm trying to say. The boy of complex description says that Sam speaks gibberish, but i think that Sam just speaks the language of my heart. It's true when Cheeky Monkey says "Words are tricksy. The real mystery is not our constant failure to communicate but the possibility that we are ever truly understood."
There are no conditions on Sam's loyalty. I am afraid of human love and loyalty with its conditions and negotiations. I'm so tired of trying to get it "right" with the threat of emotional blackmail when i don't. I want/need people in my life that get that the getting things right part is the intention part, the working it through part. And I have those people, of course I do. It's just easy to forget that when you're being held captive by your own insecurities about what other people think about you.
Defining yourself from the inside out. That's the secret. That's the core. And that's the only thing that will ever make you free.
