human doing

I'm a human doing.

As opposed to a human being.

I do far more often than I be. And when I am just "being", I am often overcome with guilt for not doing. I blame my mother, she's far worse than me. I measure my successes on the things that get done. I am disappointed when my doing isn't where I thought it should be. As if the being is not enough.

A friend of mine went on a retreat for something like 10 days. It was a meditative retreat where they sat and meditated for 12 plus hours a day. That is the ultimate in being. I am awed and inspired by that level of being, that pure volume of being all at once. About the only time that I am just being is at the end of the yoga class I love but go to very rarely. I would say that my level of "being" is about 15 minutes a month. Perhaps that isn't true. Perhaps sometimes i accidentally "be" when I am around the boy of complex description. He can have that affect, although I am often also petting a cat, a foot or an idea - so those are activities and therefore cheating.

All this doing, but it's never very big, you know. Just little, flimsy, skittery doings everywhere - do a little here, rush there, do a little over there, go over here, do a little... you get the picture. Perhaps I should make my DOINGS bigger and my beings more regular and consistent. It could be like breathing -

DOING being DOING being DOING being DOING being

Big DOING and some quiet being. That is my intention for this day.